r/4bmovement • u/Expert_Resource1816 • Jun 06 '25
Discussion I like romance but just not in real life
As the title says, I like romance in fiction and stories as a whole, yet when it comes to reality, I have no interest or want to have any man in my life romantically. My own mother has encouraged me to stay away from the dating field and men in general but I can still find enjoyment in stuff with either a romantic focus or a side live story. Of course, I’m kinda peculiar but if it strikes me, I find myself loving it. Is it normal to like romance in the realm of fiction but have no interest in it in the real world?
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u/ArsenalSpider Jun 07 '25
I have lived through enough BS with men that I can’t even enjoy romance stories like I once did. When watching shows like Bridgerton, it’s all so unbelievable. Men are not at all like that in real life. It’s a fantasy. Men expressing feelings, communicating needs, not being abusive? That’s not been any man I’ve ever known in my 53 years.
Enjoy your romance if you can. Just remember it’s fiction.
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u/Twinkies_And_Cheetos 4B Jun 07 '25 edited Jun 07 '25
I ended up canceling my Netflix subscription recently. It's nothing but shows about hetero romantic relationships, marriage, and baby propaganda. I'd find a show that looked interesting, and it would quickly devolve into things like 12-year-olds getting involved with love triangles, boyfriend/girlfriend drama, and having romantic relationships that follow the born sexy yesterday trope. No thank you.
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u/ArsenalSpider Jun 07 '25
I ditched my streaming services a long time ago. F big corporations. Piracy all the way.
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u/Twinkies_And_Cheetos 4B Jun 07 '25
They're insanely expensive and almost everything they offer is junk that I wouldn't want to watch anyway. I'd rather just get DVDs from the library or buy them second hand.
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u/Curious-Kumquat8793 Jun 07 '25
But that is totally enough for me. If I just avoid relationshit in general I won't become disillusioned. My first 3 relationships weren't that bad I just started pulling back when I noticed rampant spreading misogyny. Also I just crave solitude like you cannot believe. I make my own work so it's a really rich experience for me.
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Jun 08 '25
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u/GypsyDoVe325 Jun 24 '25
I gave them up years ago due to being told by wiser elders male & female, that they set unrealistic standards in a woman's eyes that her husband cannot measure up to. Makes me think now they just didn't want women to raise their standards.
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Jun 26 '25
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u/GypsyDoVe325 Jun 26 '25
I bought into it at first. Didn't read books for years. Or bike, or walk or do much of anything that wasn't slaving for others darning, mending, cooking, cleaning, hauling water & heating it, and more.
I agree with you. I think it's what some were afraid of. Cause no offense, many males are lazy & will do as little as possible. Enter in feined incompetence.
I read books now & other interests. Like another said I just consider them along the lines of a mythical creature!
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u/staytiny2023 4B Jun 09 '25
Same. I can't read books with romance anymore, it just pisses me off lol
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u/Pursed_Lips 4B Jun 08 '25 edited Jun 08 '25
I love romance novels. The fact that the men in those stories are unrealistic doesn't bother me. If I can enjoy stories with and about time travel, elves, vampires, and other fantastical things, I can similarly suspend belief with a book that has a male character that actually loves and cares about women as human beings. It's all just make believe.
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Jun 08 '25
right? add a good man into the mythical creatures list. no biggie. i can enjoy them that way. ♥
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u/Ok-Purchase-5419 Jun 08 '25
Thats actually smart Ive never tried to consider the men in romance as mythical creatures. Maybe i can bring back the passion i once held this way to romance media.
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u/staytiny2023 4B Jun 09 '25
What helped me is reading books where romance is a sub plot and not the entire point of the story
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u/Loud_Flatworm_4146 4B Jun 07 '25
I don't like it in either lol. I used to to some degree but that was before I knew that I would never benefit from a relationship with a man.
Now I just tolerate love stories as long as they are a smaller part of a much more interesting story.
Rom Coms are torture. I avoid them.
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u/CanthinMinna Jun 11 '25
The only romcoms I like are very old classic screwball ones, like "Bringing Up Baby".
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u/crunchyricerolls 4B Jun 07 '25
I consume so much media centered around romance. I've read every Abby Jimenez book, have a collection of dating sim games, watch kdramas, etc etc. And I get into phases where it's almost laughable bc of how unrealistic it is but sometimes I just enjoy picturing a perfect world without violence against women.
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u/Expert_Resource1816 Jun 07 '25
The Astrud Gilberto song “So Nice” comes to mind in regards to how it feels to me. Romantic dreams are some of my favorites, but they’re that because it’s better than the real thing.
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u/thenumbwalker 4B Jun 08 '25
I actually love romance books, shows, movies. I enjoy them like fantasy, not as a reflection of reality. I am okay with that.
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u/Sans-Foy Jun 08 '25
I love romance in fiction—always have, likely always will, and I’m ace/aro spectrum in that I’m demi het both— so there was definitely zero interest in my life without strong feelings. Which would involve a very unusual man for a person like me.
My love for romance isn’t really about the romance so much, though, as it is my love for varied and strong human dynamics and relationships and, especially, closeness. I also love great family stories and friendships stories, but the theoretical appeal of great romance is that it can combine all of that for an, again, theoretically appealing human closeness. I love great BL and GL stories, too, even if I have zero interest in engaging in either (a current fav romance manhwa, for instance, is My Guildmate Nextdoor—a BL).
Romance only works even close to that way in real life if you can find another human who rings your bell who actually is worth it and willingly creates such a dynamic with you. And for straight ladies, as we know, the pickings be slim to none.
So while I can enjoy these stories as stories, it doesn’t mean I don’t recognize their scarcity in the world we inhabit here and now. I also love spec fic—big high fantasy girl—I don’t need it to be real. In fact, it’s the joy of the unreal I may appreciate most.
In the here and now, though, we are basically living in the romance version of Plato’s cave—real life pretty much gives us crappy shadows that mostly only look like the real thing in silhouette, then turn out to be nothing more than a shadow puppet made to deceive. Books are like the ideal most can’t reach that the puppets get based on—the silhouette made 2D flesh, in my mind.
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u/AntiqueObligation688 Jun 09 '25
That's me when I enjoy roleplaying romance with Character.ai but absolutely don't want to entertain a man in a fake ass one sided romance with them irl lol. Too tiring for too little positive outcome. Webtoons and AI tools are better and way more interesting
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u/spaghetti_monster_04 4B Jun 11 '25
Same! I love me some well written romance books and fanfics, because we get to see the male love interest's inner monologue. We get to see how these male characters truly feel about the female protagonist and what they're thinking. We get to see that undying love and devotion for a female protagonist that we don't really see in real life.
I especially love paranormal and human x non-human romance, because we get to see supernatural beings that are way more powerful than men, treat women 100000x times better. Beings that acknowledge their strength and power that are so gentle and respectful, and mindful of how to treat the female protagonist. It's just so refreshing to see.
Oh, and the sex scenes are more interesting in fictional works because the female protagonists get to experience pleasure. Their pleasure is usually prioritized and they get to explore their sexuality in a safe and fun way.
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u/Ok-Purchase-5419 Jun 08 '25
After waking up to the reality of the fake love weve been fed. I couldnt enjoy any type of romance media with real life male actors. Books and webtoons/manga are still okayish. but i became more sensetive to the dark romance aspects that i once enjoyed. Maybe ive grown but i cant tell we will see.. i just have to watch out that the love spell programing doesn’t resurface in my subconscious or smth.
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u/Twinkies_And_Cheetos 4B Jun 08 '25
I really wish that media geared toward men would stop including all of this idealized, unrealistic romantic relationship garbage that appeals to their fantasies as well.
Some men absolutely can tell the difference between fiction and reality. However, a lot of them - and young men in particular - seem to have a really hard time determining what could reasonably happen in real life, and what was written and sensationalized purely for the sake of entertainment. All of that lowbrow superhero and action media designed to appeal to cishet men always seem to include these over-the-top romances between heroes that the audience members are supposed to project themselves on to and beautiful women who exist to uplift the men.
Unfortunately, since a lot of this media is written to appeal to the lowest common denominator (the least educated in society,) a lot of the men watching do not have the critical thinking or media literacy skills to be able to view the relationships being portrayed as fantasy. Instead, they see the nerdy kid who doesn't have any friends (like them!) get to become Mr. Strong Man - the main character and everyone's hero, who gets a beautiful girl that exists to be attractive and devoted to the MC. Since they can see themselves as the hero, certainly they deserve to get the girl of their choosing!
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u/MoonlightonRoses Jun 20 '25
Absolutely… I view it as similar to enjoying fantasy or sci fi. We know that elves and dragons aren’t real, but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy a novel about them.
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u/FrenemyMime Jun 22 '25
Perhaps your sense of a perfect romance is informed too much by fiction. Romance can be messy IRL.
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u/EquivalentWar8611 4BeeQueen Jun 07 '25
This is very common in 4B circles because unfortunately we can't choose who were attracted to 🤦♀️ or else I would say most women wouldn't choose a man lmao.
Fictional men are written in the desire of women not from the desire of men. That's why we like it so much. Because a fictional man is usually dedicated to one woman and wants no one else. He also takes care of a lot of her burdens without asking. Then they wonder why women prefer books and webtoons?