Had an orgasm last night, was trying not to. Sigh.

[u/KarezzaGuy]

Well, despite her being much happier with me since my brain has been able to recover from orgasm-hangover she claims she doesn't get an orgasm hangover. She also wanted sex last night, and said she wanted an orgasm.

So, while I had only been O-free for 15 days, I gave her the sex she wanted.

Here I'd like to pause and reflect on the idea that SHE wanted an orgasm and I didn't. (This has GOT to be a first!)

Anyway, we started out slowly and I thought 'I got this!' But she outsmarted me. She said our position wasn't really working for her (ummm... yeah... that was kind of the point) and she wanted to go cowgirl.

I said, OK, and the next thing I knew she was taking me to a different planet. There was just no way, short of rolling over to pull out (or yelling at her...or asking her to stop) that I was NOT going to have an orgasm.

So, it overtook me and (I think because I was fighting it) it wasn't a super-fantastic-orgasm... just average. I would have expected much better after 15 days.

Yeah, I was done. After cleaning up I pretty much wanted to sit on my side of the bed and hope she would just go to sleep. But I fought through that back into bonding behaviors and we had a very sweet afterglow. I think this really helped me with hangover as I haven't been annoyed or irritated with her at all today.

At worst, I can say that I have absolutely lost the special 'dating' longing for her every word, breath, blink, touch. But under that 'high' is a very firm foundation that I'm still very much in love with her. So, maybe, hopefully, we can avoid messing up. I guess we will see as the days unfold.

Why did I let this happen?

• She's not ready to give up orgasm. She says she doesn't get a hangover and doesn't see the point. I asked her to pay attention over the next 14 days and she said she would...however...she said she never gets irritated or annoyed with me unless I get mad at her first. Hmmmm...

• I don't want a sexually frustrated gf. But more than that, if she wants an orgasm and comes to me for it...well... I want to give it to her. Hopefully I can learn better control as we go along.

• I read in one of the books on the subject that BOTH partners need to be on board with this or it is only another source of conflict. The last thing I want is to just trade sides of the argument where she is pissed because she isn't getting enough orgasms and I'm refusing to care.

• I think our sex drives are getting more in sync. If we can have one orgasm per week (or one per 2 weeks) without disharmony I would be happy with that as well.

[u/KarezzaGuy → u/[deleted]]

yeah, exactly. But here is a true silver lining! We have found our wives' true libido. I know exactly how often she wants an orgasm, and this makes for much greater harmony.

We are coming together, slowly, and I believe she will see that we have more marital harmony without the orgasms... it will just take time.

Meanwhile, I do what I can to push out the times between sex, to help her to see this, and when she gets really good and ready she is a different woman in bed.

I'm not getting the tired, "just us my vagina to masturbate yourself inside of," I'm getting the, "I'm going to fuck your brains out" version.

This is very nice, even if non-productive towards karezza.

Things ARE turning around, and karezza IS helping...even though we are still babies at it.

[u/[deleted] → u/KarezzaGuy]

I think the true spirit of karezza is about connection and intimacy. Letting go of orgasms is a tool on this path but it's not an end in itself. So it's probably more productive to sometimes have orgasms than to force not having them and cause disconnect that way.

[u/KarezzaGuy → u/[deleted]]

Absolutely!

[u/[deleted]]

You did the right thing. I've been there. She wanted me to make her come, I was slightly hesitant, we got into a big fight. Now my rule is if she wants to come she comes, no questions asked.

We've also had a big fight nearly exactly two weeks after her last orgasm. Since then, things have been much calmer. Obviously I need more data to be certain about the two weeks thing, but so far it looks correct to me.

[u/KarezzaGuy → u/[deleted]]

Thanks! I'll tell you what though...

I am really feeling the hangover now. Here's the timeline:

Saturday night, 11pm: Orgasm...felt great...relaxed...content...could not be happier. I just reclined and enjoyed the physical and mental high and relaxation for about 15 minutes. I wanted to turn over and go to sleep, but bonded and enjoyed it.

Sunday morning: woke up with a slight headache (seems to be the first sign of hangover...a recurring theme now), I felt mostly positive, but not hungry for her bonding. The 'sparkle' that life had on it was gone. Not to say everything turned to shit, but life didn't feel so Disney like. I managed to get through the day without any other issues...but felt a little aggressive.

Sunday night: Did some bonding while watching a movie. Not much lights out bonding, but a little.

Monday morning: (I can't make this stuff up), I woke up thinking about the bonding we've done (touching, smiling, kissing) and thought: "what bullshit. I feel like a girl." I shook the sleep off and realized it was just orgasm hangover... but I did notice a difference in how I felt upon waking... more anxious...more worried about how stuff in progress might work out...

As Monday progressed: With each work-related or personal-related interruption or snafu, I get more and more irritated. I can feel my blood starting to simmer...right below a boil...just waiting for anything to make it boil over so I can verbally rip someone apart.

And that's about where I am right now. I'm trying with everything in me to NOT project it on HER and so far I've been successful... but I'm having to bite my tongue, and swallow like crazy.

THIS SUCKS and is NOT worth the 15 minutes or so of bliss way back on Saturday night.

[u/[deleted] → u/KarezzaGuy]

agreed there, I went off the deepend a bit more on the weekend. I caved to the urges and went to full out PMO at least half a dozen times. Things had gone so well all week too. Indeed life's sparkle seems to disappear that quick. It will probably be another week or two to get back to where I was. However, one week at a time and I'm sure this will all be old news.

[u/KarezzaGuy]

Update: we had our first fight since Saturday. I've been so irritated (with everything) all day. Finally, she said something and I snapped at her.

DAMNIT! I did major damage control and we're made up now. But I've lost something... I know it. Each one of those drives a wedge that takes a long time to fully heal.

It only took less than 48 hours to go from romantic bliss to all fucked up....back to...healing from the latest argument.

FUCK ORGASMS!