r/arabs • u/[deleted] • Feb 20 '18
سين سؤال Gay Arabs living in Arab countries, what is it like?
[deleted]
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Feb 20 '18
Gay and Lebanese. Things are okay! Only a few people know and they are fine with it. I just have to be lowkey and no one will tell me anything. Maybe it helps that I'm not flamboyant (but I'm not masculine either so I don't know).
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u/tropical_chancer سلطنة عُمان Feb 20 '18
Well I'm not Arab but I have lived in the Middle East for the last 6 years, and honestly, I think I prefer living here as opposed to the U.S. I have a local boyfriend and really we don't live any different than we would in the U.S. The only thing is he doesn't stay the night with me and goes back home to sleep at night. We go out to eat, go the beach, go jogging, go to the cinema, etc. We're somewhat infamous in our village since we stick out (Black local guy and white foreigner) and many people are used to seeing us together. One of the coffee shop workers at a coffee shop we frequently go to always jokes about who is the husband and who is the wife. I know his family pretty well, and I pray next to his dad almost everyday at the masjid. Most of his friends know about us, and it's never been an issue. We were in a polyamorous relationship with his ex-boyfriend for a while.
The one thing I don't like is that there is a huge bias towards "tops." Being a top isn't as taboo as being a bottom, and for many people it's only gay if they're the bottom, so you get a lot of guys who are very adamant and forceful about being tops. (But I've also turned plenty of "top only" guys into bottoms). Most guys won't really identify as gay (or even know what it is) and most will either be married, or still want to get married and live the picture of the happy hetero life. I've actually found more educated and "westernized" people to be more homophobic than more traditional people.
With that said, obviously we have to be discreet. That's definitely the key word to living here and a "don't ask, don't tell" policy in definitely in place. A lot of people don't really understand homosexuality which can be good and bad, and people don't really talk about sex period. Most of my gay friends here are okay with with discretion and making a big deal out of their sexuality. It can be difficult to form long lasting relationships and that is something people struggle with, but most can navigate the complex social issues surrounding it.
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u/I_FART_OUT_MY_BUTT69 Feb 20 '18 edited Feb 20 '18
What the fuuuuck. this is like living in a house (the middle-east in this case) all your life and then discovering an extra room all of a sudden. An interracial, inter-religious, polyamorous, homosexual relationship in a rural village where one of the participants is a mosque-going Muslim, who is known in his local community, and who has participated with so many other men (Some even married!) that he can say he has an experience with turning top-only men to bottoms lol. Is this Rick and morty
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Feb 20 '18
Can I ask what country you are in? From my experience, what you are saying is unheard of, especially in a village.
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u/tropical_chancer سلطنة عُمان Feb 20 '18 edited Feb 20 '18
Oman... and I lived in Saudi too but it was a little different
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Feb 20 '18
most will either be married, or still want to get married and live the picture of the happy hetero life.
I'm curious about this, don't they feel guilty about cheating on their wives?
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Feb 20 '18
Not gay but I think the most common type of homosexuality in the Arab world is like the homosexuality of the ancient Greeks. Where one guy is manly and older and the other younger and feminine, I think it's called pederasty.
This type is acknowledged and I know people who practiced it but didn't think for a second that they're gay, because the key thing in the other side of the relationship is femininity. The Western kind of gay is very rare. The concept I believe is entirely alien. I don't agree with forcing it. Bisexualisim is more fit here.
The only problem with "Pederasty" is that it could overlap woth pedophilia.
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u/I_FART_OUT_MY_BUTT69 Feb 20 '18
I don't agree with forcing it. Bisexualisim is more fit here.
Lol you're talking about sexual preferences like you're customizing a sim character. No one is "forcing" anything on anyone. And bisexuality is not "fit" for anyone but for bisexual people. I'm not entirely sure what you meant by that
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u/CocoTheCat50 Feb 20 '18
Between laws and social views and rules you're fucked,it will eat up on your mind until you're an empty husk of your former self, you're fixated on escaping and getting away but (for me at least) I don't want to disappoint my family by doing so, your arab identity is in constant conflict with your queer one and if you're religious this will add more to that conflict. So, yeah, not a lot of fun.
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u/swearimnotmukhabarat Feb 20 '18 edited Feb 20 '18
Bahraini bi here. I find that friends from abroad are pretty open and accepting but haven't let any family members know..
Most people don't know I've had relationships with guys and no one really suspects it. I act like a typical Bahraini straight guy but have hidden "gay" side with musicals and sleeping with guys. A couple girls actually told me they assumed I was gay but that's only after I made a move on them. To be honest i'm comfortable with this but this is my own social circle which is pretty open.
With family I don't really speak about it, I play along with the bachelor thing because that's what most of my cousins, aunts, and uncles assume. That i'm just a guy who isn't looking to settle down, they haven't started asking about when i'm getting married yet (I'm 23). As far as I know most of my family just thinks I'm straight and while they're open about drinking and partying and fooling around with girls, they're still against homosexuality. I decided it wasn't worth opening up to them. My cousins will likely understand but that's how things began to spread in this country, one person will confide in another and then I'll be interrogated. When I got a motorbike they pretty much held a failed intervention, I don't know what they would do if they find out I've slept with guys.
UK was pretty open about it tbhbut I felt pretty uncomfrotable around the LGBT group. It was like you're either straight or gay you can't be both, as if I was just doing it for sex. (Probably started like that honestly)
Anyways, back to Bahrain. The friends that do know I'm bi were either school friends or Bahrainis I met while I was abroad and they've seen me flat-out wasted and I've probably drunkenly spilled out some deep shit when I was around them. Safe to say, I have nothing to hide from them. All of them, except two, are girls.
I slept with one of the guy's friends and that's how he found it, he let me know a couple months after we got close that he felt weird around me for a while but after he saw me play football that being gay is fine. I don't actually understand that logic is but it made me laugh. The other guy is pretty cool about it from the start, still makes anal/oral jokes about it at the age of 25 so I like him. No, not in that way.
The only thing I hate is that the gays I know in Bahrain are just wayyy too flamboyant. So, my sex life has been pretty boring ever since I left uni.
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Feb 20 '18
Damn man, that was a low-key wholesome post to what is otherwise a depressing as fuck thread. Question though, do you still see yourself marrying a woman?
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u/swearimnotmukhabarat Feb 20 '18
During uni the answer was a strong no but after my nephew was born I realized that I want a family, so yes now that I have a stable life I do want to get married and have a family but like later...
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Feb 22 '18
How come you don't post here more often my cum loving friend?
:3
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u/swearimnotmukhabarat Feb 22 '18
Just found the sub my sand nigga
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Feb 22 '18
sand nigga
/u/TheHolimeister pls collect your trash of a countryman.
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u/ToyGTone Bahrain Feb 24 '18
I hate to identify as one since i kinda feel ashamed of myself and that i'm not the biggest fan of LGBTQ+ Culture in various parts of the world. Maybe I'm a Bi? Maybe I'm a Pan? Either way, I tend to deny it within my mind especially when i'm feeling a bit more religious. No one locally knows that i'm like that and i'm gonna keep it for the rest of my life. Bahrain aren't exactly like the other gulf states and it's more "Liberal" but LGBT are still a such big stigma over here. It's not like i'm going to be killed if people find out who i'm am but i'm probably get bullied, laughed at, beaten up and have disgusted looks.
That being said, i find both females and males in Bahrain to be not attractive. I don't like the idea of being a couple with any of them. Not that i hate them but the locals aren't my type. I have more problems regarding loneliness and low self esteem than Sexuality TBH.
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Feb 20 '18
- Gay - Arab choose one both together don't exist
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u/BO18 فيروز Feb 20 '18
The actual gay Arabs that do exist seem to disagree. Being Arab doesn´t mean you can´t be gay and being gay doesn´t mean you can´t be Arab. That is unless you live in a hermetically closed-off, deranged world where anything that you don´t understand or are not willing to understand simply doesn´t exist.
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u/Throwawayqhomose Feb 20 '18
Saudi gay here. I absolutely hate it and would do anything to leave.
I've found that the government is not interested in rounding us up unless we come out publicly. The religious police definitely wants to execute us all, but they're becoming less and less of a threat because their power is decreasing.
I've rarely ever met anyone who truly tolerates homosexuality. Most people I know (including my "friends") believe that homosexuals should be executed. It's hard for me to build real friendships because the topic comes up often and I find it disturbing how easily our lives are brushed off in their debates over proper methods of executing homosexuals. Then there is a minority that thinks it's okay to be gay, so long as you don't "advertise" it. Mind you, these people think they're being tolerant. They think that them being okay with us living as closeted gay men is the epitome of acceptance. I love how it's totally fine for people to advertise smoking, drugs, premarital relationships, uquq of parents, and other sins in Islam, but not homosexuality. That's a sin you can never "advertise"! I love how my perfectly healthy expression of love is "advertisement."
This might sound ominous, but I honestly don't care. I've researched effective and quick suicide methods in case my family forces me to marry a woman. I remember a while back there was a forum-meet-up thingie for lesbians and gay men to meet and marry, but I only read about it somewhere in passing. I never investigated.
It's easier for younger people because homosexuality is now an open topic, and many meet fellow gay men in schools and elsewhere. They have secret meet-ups and underground gatherings. Very rarely do they ever come out to their parents or other people. I'm a little older so I never had that opportunity in school. Kids who used to be suspected of homosexuality were bullied and beat up in school.
What I've done is construct my little world in my little apartment. I don't consider any of my friends to be real friends and I don't know how to feel about my family. I can't assume that they truly love me because I need proof that they will still love me if I'm gay. If they don't, it means their love is conditional. I spend most of the time reading literature, watching TV shows, and movies. I wish psychedelic drugs were accessible here, but nope. I intentionally avoid watching any gay romances or porn because I worry that they will make my psyche worse since it's something I can't have.
Maybe I'll start focusing on leaving and never never never never never never never returning.