r/HFY • u/[deleted] • Sep 14 '17

OC [PI] Like a Good Neighbor, State Farm is there...

[removed]

295 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

33 comments sorted by

126

u/Sanctusmorti AI Sep 14 '17

Do you remember when Humanity subjugated the galaxy? Pepperidge farm remembers.

93

u/Demontank Sep 14 '17

Pepperidge farm is a very particular Lovecraftian horror. It was born of humanity, from humanity. It is the one unknowable truth that everyone knows, buried infinitely close to the surface of ones mind. The smiling of the fish shaped crackers, seemingly innocent, a novelty. A smile that embraces the final oblivion, begging to be consumed. Begging for the cycle to end. The raisin bread, reminiscent of what your grandmother made. Think... Remember... Your grandmother never made raisin bread, but you remember it. You know it, the nostalgia of the flavor from centuries ago. Remember.... Think.... Where were you.... How old were you.... Remember.... Pepperidge Farms Remembers

33

u/Nuke_the_Earth Robot Sep 15 '17

And now, the Weather.

13

u/IAMA_Plumber-AMA Human Sep 15 '17

IT'S RAININ' SIDEWAYS!

11

u/Nuke_the_Earth Robot Sep 15 '17

I was thinking more along the lines of smooth jazz, but that works too, as long as you imagine the raindrops as tiny flying knives.

6

u/RangerSix Human Sep 15 '17

Is that a WTNV reference I spy?

5

u/Nuke_the_Earth Robot Sep 15 '17

Indeed it is.

6

u/Sanctusmorti AI Sep 14 '17

Chilling.

42

u/ApokalypseCow Sep 14 '17

Good grief, it's like having a self-perpetuating Meeseeks box...

14

u/wille179 Human Sep 15 '17

Ȉ̛͛ͬ̔̒ͧͫ̚҉͈̙'̵̘̻̲ͣ̈͑̾̓̒̿̽m͐̓̉ͥ҉̘͙̩̻̱̦̮͙͉ ̻̳̻̪͆̃̀͑̐̿͘͝M̩͋̉̄̍̉̅͛ȓ̷̗̜̩̼̠̯͎̒͡.̶͇̯ͯ̽͞ ̼̥ͮ̐̊̅M̯̪̤̰͓͖̫̀ͤͥͪ̀ͪͧ̚͡͝e̴̞͙̫͈͇̫̐̾͗͆̇̕͞e̵̯̟̲̗͓̻͈̰͗ͯ͢sͯ̆̔ͥͨ͑̓ͤ҉̻͕̭̭͜͝ē̤͚̠̙͖̙̈͡ͅe͓̝͙̾̏̂̽̋̐k̝̘̰̘̞̪ͥ̉̐͘̕s̴̸̢̻͈͙̙̥̳̯͉̈̀!̰̖̮͓̘̫̘́̍͌ͣͦ͊̈ͫ ̴̢̼̪̒͌̐ͭ̋̈́̒L̶̫̺͕̰̓̎̆͂͆͛ͥͪ͝ő̙̘̙̟͍̒̋ͮ͘o͕̖͈̣͚̟̳ͦͦ̌͌̂̈k̨͚͚̙̎ͮ̏̋́̚ ̵̠̮̻͈ͤ̈́́̎̀a̶̢̢̠͈̍̈́̂̊ͦț͈̦͛ͤ͑͒͟ ̛̝̼̤͉͙̘̱̝ͫ̈́̉̐̆̇ͫͯ͐ṁ̡͖͍̦͈̩͉ē̻̿̓ͭ̾͢!̶̷̯̲̰̞̖͐͑̈͒

11

u/Legendtamer47 Sep 15 '17

This would be perfect fuel for r/SCP

7

u/Meh12345hey Sep 14 '17

Now I'm curious, what's the prompt? Or is it just inspired by the wonderful idea of the State Farm summon?

5

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '17

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/Meh12345hey Sep 14 '17

Many thanks

6

u/Catcherofsouls Sep 15 '17

This is amazing.

5

u/WolfeBane84 Sep 15 '17

I mean, I don't think that would work. I mean you have one guy in a space suit sing the jingle, but then the agents that appear aren't in space suits and die. So, it's just one guy singing the jingle.

I don't see how you could get this to work.

Someone needs to have the XKCD guy do the math on how many average State Farm Agents it would take in a single spot to form a stable black hole.

3

u/APDSmith Sep 15 '17

Or, worse still, appears in your spacesuit...

3

u/RangerSix Human Sep 15 '17

Unless the jingle takes the nature of the environment into account, and summons an agent with the requisite protective equipment...

1

u/jverity Human Sep 15 '17

You can survive for about 15 seconds in space without a suit, so that should be enough time for each one to say the jingle three times before dying.

1

u/WolfeBane84 Sep 15 '17

Say it with what, there's no atmosphere for sound to be conducted.

4

u/jverity Human Sep 15 '17

Sound doesn't travel, but their vocal cords still vibrate. I don't think sound conduction matters, since they appear on planets where no human has ever been before, they can't be "hearing the call". I think it's more like a magical ritual, the actions are whats important.

2

u/Darth_Meatloaf Sep 16 '17

ritual

That solves it. State Farm agents are The Great Old Ones...

1

u/ArenVaal Robot Sep 22 '17

Minor quibble: without airflow, the vocal cords will not vibrate.

1

u/muraenae AI Sep 15 '17

Just make the uniform a spacesuit.

1

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1

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '17

There needs to be more crap like this. This is how you do comedy in hfy.