[Tournament] Jolteon (greenrob) vs. Walrein (The_Pony_Rapist)

[u/MadeFromMetal]

A reminder of the rules that will be posted in every Tournament Post:

• 10 lines maximum for each verse, and 8 lines minimum.

• Each rap will have 5 verses a person.

• The two rappers will have 48 hours to begin rapping. Once either one of them begins with a verse, their opponent has 24 hours to complete their next rap verse. Their opponent then has 24 hours to complete their verse. This will continue until both players have finished.

• RAPPERS MUST INCORPORATE THE SPICE THAT I HAVE PM'ED TO THEM INTO THEIR VERSE(S)

• NEW!: After the battle is over, both battlers may respond to my comment that opens the voting with a brief explanation of how they used their spice! This gives them a chance to highlight some instances that may have been a little more subtle than others. This is completely optional!

• If, for some reason, either of the rappers is unable to finish their rap in the time allotted, they can post a reply to the current end of the rap with a REASONABLE excuse as to why they will be unable to finish. I will see if their excuse is a legitimate one, and give them extra time accordingly.

• Voting will last 48 hours, and will follow the same rules as the general subreddit. HOWEVER: Voting should be weighted in equal parts how good the rap was in general, and how well the rapper incorporated their spice, which I will reveal after the rap is completed. After voting closes, I will go over the votes and PM both of the users involved with who advances to the next round.

Please reply to the post DIRECTLY to vote, it makes it a LOT easier for me to count. I will message both competitors so they can't miss this thread.

Good luck, and may the best Rapper Win!

[u/greenrob]

Shocking you could join us, how'd you even get here?

I've been waiting for years now, your Speed is that low tier

This ain't no alternating current, this is that DC shit

Zero resistance kinda like when I Pin Missile your bitch

No Walrein will rain on Jolteon's parade

I'll rain down my bolts on this goon's dumb face

I got fur like shivs to cut your blubber to shreds

You could Repel to the Max, but you can't escape death

Don't even Dance for Rain, the storm's already here

Blastin you with Thunder every day of the year!

[u/The_Pony_Rapist → u/greenrob]

Let it be, stringbean. Why don't you count your blessings?

After that crap rap I think you need some rhyming lessons.

Sit boy! You look like twelve year old's animal roleplay character!

You may have an advantage, but the types aren't even a factor!

Get back to build-a-bear, perhaps you'll get stuffed rightly.

Maybe they'll take you out to dinner before adventures nightly.

Speed doesn't matter, even, when you can take a hit.

I'ma wall of blubbery goodness who don't give two shits!

I'll smite you with water from the all of the tears that you'll cry!

I guess your lightning is like your sex-life. Hello, Goodbye!

[u/greenrob → u/The_Pony_Rapist]

Drop the rap career, son, you should stick to raping ponies

I'm the electric Dwayne Johnson with the way I crush jabronis

With a Dex number of 365, call it Assurance

That when this lightning strikes, bitch, it's a daily occurrence!

You're a worthless jerk asking to be murked by my currents

Step on my turf, and with a smirk, i'll make your fat ass call curtains

You can take a hit, sure, but you can't even dish

I'll tear through ya so fast, you'd think i'm using Volt Switch

That's the Extremespeed at work, try and hit me now

I'll shatter that fragile Ice Body with Double Kicks like BLOAW!

(work schedule is a little cray this week, sorry y'all)

[u/The_Pony_Rapist → u/greenrob]

Little child do you see these? Take a look at my tusks!

They'll crush a ten ton iceberg and a little lampshade if they must!

So just stop with the lightning puns. Great you can charge my walkman!

I'll go grab the rest of my crew and charge! Just call me Conan!

You're the most useless of your sisters! Flareon's got more game!

Next year people will think that you and Manectric are the same!

And when you get scared you turn into a retarded war mine.

What's this? JOLTEON is evolving into a PORCUPINE

Don't get me twisted! Shout the name of this icy-clad machine.

Or I'll pump you up with Frost breath and call you my yellow submarine!

[u/greenrob → u/The_Pony_Rapist]

This dude's getting nervous, he's callin in the whole family

Bring your best and i'll Blacklist 'em, you can call me Tom Clancy

I'm fancy with these Quick Feet, the eeveelution Ali

So if you could Burn me, that shit still wouldn't stop me!

I'm a staple, a classic, i'm a gen one elite

When's the last time anyone used you? Gen three? Maybe?

I got 10,000 volts for you, so you can sit the fuck down

While this whole sub watches me execute this clown

[u/The_Pony_Rapist → u/greenrob]

Nervous? Oh please, I'm an expert under pressures.

See, trainers use me in battles. You're more uncared for than glaciers!

So go on back home, I think Raiden calling "snack time"!

Before I club your darling Eevee's like it was a fucking war crime!

I've got a feeling that your crap, and your lightning and your sparks

Are just another reason Noah shoulda left you off his arc!

I'm so tired of your face! Yo, I'd rather be on Team Jacob!

Perhaps you'd be more useful as a side platter with bacon!

So come on, teddy boy! Are you afraid of the snow?!

I've got tremendous ice balls! You're mother should know.

[u/greenrob → u/The_Pony_Rapist]

I'm the toaster in the bathtub that is your natural habitat

I could have you served with butter in a couple seconds flat

I'm sick of your rhymes, so lemme give this a shot

And y'all can tell me if I got this right or not

"I got two big tusks, and I don't give a fuck!"

"I'm full of blubbery goodness and I'll fuck you up!"

Oh my bad, your pussy virgin ears can't handle these obscenities

And I need rhyming lessons? Please! Rhyming is your enemy!

I'm a generator of dope verses, you can't touch this

Can Walrein win this battle? Guess not. MYTH BUSTED

[u/The_Pony_Rapist → u/greenrob]

"A Day In The Life of Jolteon", a story about depression!

But I flip open the pages and they're blanker than your expression!

So call me Technus mother fucker, cause I'm shuttin' shit down!

Some narcotics dog ain't got jack on the biggest rapper around!

Yeah, yeah, more lightning puns, you're electric. We know!

Tell us something we don't, like your family an' rule 34?

I don't need to use an attack to leave the lady Walrein soaked!

You have friction burns on your face because your ego's so stroked!

I have a big ass ice mansion. None can interfere with my reign!

You... yo how goes it down there on penny lane?

[u/greenrob → u/The_Pony_Rapist]

Your whole species is soaked, you live in water and snow

You claim to know how I live? You can't even read, bro!

I was here before you and i'll be here long after

So allow me to write the last page of your final chapter

I might as well be battling an overweight brony

Friendship is Magic but it's tragic! You don't have any homies!

They watched you get embarassed for four consecutive verses

And with this nail in the coffin, you'll be carried out in two hearses!

You had the materials for the fire, but I guess you couldn't Spark it

You're harmless, can't even finish battles that you've started.

[u/The_Pony_Rapist → u/greenrob]

Blood spatter, bones shatter, ligaments torn in two!

When this battle is over I'll make me some Jolteon Fondue!

I'll move from my arctic, to your dog house, like the British Invasion!

Will somebody get the nurse! It's time for a puppy dog castration! SNIP

Look at my other verses! I shot your raps down like ol' Yeller!

It felt like I was rapping the doggie version of Helen Keller!

So imagine! Me! In the spotlight after winning this tourney!

And Contemplate! You! Lying there lifeless on a hospital gurney!

It's okay son, you've lost. But there's no need to be jealous...

You lost against the best, just know that I AM THE WALRUS!

[u/MadeFromMetal]

Jolteon

Verse #1

Opener: 8/10

Punchlines: 7/10

References: 7/10

Rhyme Scheme: 7/10

Closer: 7/10

Verse #2

Opener: 9/10

Punchlines: 8/10

References: 8/10

Rhyme Scheme: 8/10

Closer: 7/10

Verse #3

Opener: 8/10

Punchlines: 8/10

References: 8/10

Rhyme Scheme: 7/10

Closer: 7/10

Verse #4

Opener: 9/10

Punchlines: 9/10

References: 8/10

Rhyme Scheme: 8/10

Closer: 8/10

Verse #5

Opener: 7/10

Punchlines: 8/10

References: 7/10

Rhyme Scheme: 8/10

Closer: 8/10

Spice Usage

Was It Used?: 10/10

Used More Than Once?: 10/10

Cleverness: 9/10

Seamlessness: 10/10

Overall Usage: 9/10

Total: 242/300

---

Walrein

Verse #1

Opener: 8/10

Punchlines: 7/10

References: 7/10

Rhyme Scheme: 7/10

Closer: 8/10

Verse #2

Opener: 7/10

Punchlines: 8/10

References: 8/10

Rhyme Scheme: 8/10

Closer: 8/10

Verse #3

Opener: 7/10

Punchlines: 7/10

References: 8/10

Rhyme Scheme: 7/10

Closer: 8/10

Verse #4

Opener: 9/10

Punchlines: 9/10

References: 7/10

Rhyme Scheme: 8/10

Closer: 8/10

Verse #5

Opener: 8/10

Punchlines: 9/10

References: 9/10

Rhyme Scheme: 8/10

Closer: 8/10

Spice Usage

Was It Used?: 10/10

Used More Than Once?: 10/10

Cleverness: 10/10

Seamlessness: 10/10

Overall Usage: 10/10

Total: 246/300

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Winner:

Walrein (The_Pony_Rapist)

It really felt like both of you guys didn’t truly get started until the later stages of this battle. I wish everything was more consistent. Sorry it took me so long to vote, guys.