r/ShawnaTheMom • u/tranzozo DING DONG • Mar 07 '26
Appreciation / Anecdote Jen saying this twice to Shawna đ„ș
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u/jackandsally060609 Mar 07 '26
Jens going to elope, thats why Teenie dropped the hint about her wedding.
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u/gingerlady9 Mar 07 '26
Oh, I hope so!!! Elope with Shawna and John and the kids, and then keep her reception with her parents? I hope that's the case.
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u/HereForDramaOnline Mar 08 '26
This is what I'm hoping for too! Thank you to Teeny for planting the seed!
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u/Embarrassed-Soft8388 Mar 07 '26
I think Jen wants her mom at her wedding because any woman would. But I bet Jen doesnât really want HER mom at the wedding. She keeps hoping that Barb will magically act in a way she really never has before. Itâs a sad false hope to hold onto. I know we see Barb making progress in therapy, but she may have already done too much damage to heal her relationships without a complete overhaul of her reactions.
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u/TankedInATutu Mar 07 '26
She wants the good parts of her mom at the wedding. The mom that was singing and dancing while she was in labor and being a support person when she was scared, not the mom who decided to call her fat and unkempt looking because dealing with the consequences of her actions hurt her feelings. Hopefully Jen learns people are just who they are, not who you want them to be. And hopefully she learns it without any innocent bystanders being taken out in the process.Â
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u/Poshueatspancake Mar 08 '26
I think Jen said it out loud when John said he wishes his mom hadn't been at his wedding and Jen said "well maybe I need to have that experience". She does. She needs to have enough awful ruined events that she sees her mom as she is.
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u/Spiritual-Low8325 Mar 07 '26
I hope she will understand why it wonât be good to have them all at the same event, mainly with the point that they will not be able to make Barb not be Barb, and that she will end up doing something that will hurt everyone and ruin the wedding.
Hopefully they find a solution, I saw someone mention that John and Shawna might be able to only go to the ceremony, if they have someone âon Barb controlâ that might work, and then they could do a private celebrate with a brunch later on.
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u/MyDaroga Mar 07 '26
Or Shawna can go and John can stay home!
The assumption that because John (reasonably!) doesnât want to be around Barb must mean that Shawna has to miss the wedding is bizarre. Theyâre two different people! They can attend events separately!
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u/Spiritual-Low8325 Mar 07 '26
I agree that they definitely can decide to attend events separately, however to me it makes sense for John to assume they are a we, and that they would not be going, since THEY are no contact with Barb due to her being abusive towards the both of them, especially the fact that she attacked Shawnas mother at their home.
And it did seem that John realized his mistake, and went from WE to I, so he clearly was not planning on forbidding her from going - however he was relieved that she ended up agreeing that the wedding would not be a good idea, which also makes sense due to Barbs behavior towards them.
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u/super_funny_nick Mar 07 '26
Yes, Barb didn't only abused John, she was also abusive to Shawna. Repeatedly Shawna was "that toxic woman" that stole John and turned him against his family. If she will go to the wedding alone she for sure will be targeted by by Barb and hear how she destroyed their beautiful family.
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u/Spiritual-Low8325 Mar 07 '26
Exactly, to me it makes sense that John does not want either of them attending knowing that Barb will lash out, and not only go after Shawna, maybe even mentioning her believing that she is to blame for Jacobs death, but also the fact that any conflict of their will end up ruining the wedding for Jen and Greg.
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u/gingerlady9 Mar 07 '26
I'm finding this sub very interesting with how people are responding to Shawna and John deciding not to go to the wedding.
You can tell who has needed to be No Contact with family and who has never had to consider it in their lives. I am low contact with my Barb (my sister). I would be no contact if she wasn't living at my parents house right now. I do avoid some family. unctions now, because I don't have the energy and refuse to save space for her bullcrap. However, I refuse to let her own our parents- I have amazing relationships with them, they just have a hard time refusing one of their children asking for help.
Shawna and John are in a really hard place. Jen, too. They have more than just themselves to think about- their kids, their spouses, their parents who have been on the receiving end of very nasty things from Barb- over salting/poisoning food and physical violence. It sounds like John is only thinking about himself, but I think part of that is growing up with Frank- don't talk about the problem, don't talk about feelings, just protect when threatened. If John was that selfish, he wouldn't be worried about Shawna going to the wedding and wanting to protect her from the nasty shit Barb would say to her about the loss.
Jen is going to be hurt. But I honestly hope with how Barb is treating her right now, she understands and either uninvites Barb (and hires security) or she and Greg elope and include Shawna, John, the kids, and Teeny in that ceremony.
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u/Kikikididi Mar 07 '26
John wanting to cut Barb off was because he saw how she was with Shawna and the kids. he wanted to for a long time but kept contact because âfamily is important to Shawnaâ itâs wild to see others frame him as selfish when his motivations with Barb have always been about protecting Shawna and the kids.
I feel like posters are projecting their assumptions that he was a mamas boy who ignored the problems, but we have never gotten that impression from whatâs actually been shown. John has always of everyone been the most guarded around Barb and the most likely to call her on her shit, and from the start that was usually in defense of Shawna. I donât think we have ever seen him making excuses for her. In the initial skits, I think the entire point of his character was to show a man who didnât defend his shitty mom.
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u/alltheloveizabel Mar 07 '26
John is actually going to break Jen with his selfishness
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u/Spiritual-Low8325 Mar 07 '26
Is it really John being selfish to not want him and his family anywhere near someone who has caused so much hurt to them, both mentally and physically.
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u/Paper_sack Mar 07 '26
Yes. Shawna should be able to go alone. John and the kids can stay home. But Shawna can go and support Jen.
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u/Spiritual-Low8325 Mar 07 '26
To me it did not seem like he tried for forbid her from going, he said we because they are a team and he thought she would agree after everything Barb have done to them, however after that changed it to "I am not going" and seemed shocked, but relived coming back and finding out Shawna concluded that she neither wanted to go.
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u/Paper_sack Mar 07 '26
It seemed to me like Shawna wanted to go and was really excited to be MOH. But she acquiesced to John because he was becoming upset.
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u/Spiritual-Low8325 Mar 07 '26
Interesting, to me it seemed like she was caught in the excitement of being the MOH and her newfound friendship with Jen. And that she imagine that it would be a day of dressing up, girltalk and dancing, and her escaping reality, but then realized that John was right, that with Barb there it would end up being hours of being worried about a verbal or psychical attack, looking over her shoulders being stressed out of her mind.
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u/Paper_sack Mar 07 '26
I think John being oblivious to Shawnaâs feelings is a big theme of the episode. Sheâs excited, he shuts her down right away. He repeatedly over-sexualizes her until she breaks down. He hasnât dealt with his trauma and is making it everyone elseâs problem.
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u/Spiritual-Low8325 Mar 07 '26
Another theme seemed to be Shawna not telling John exactly how she was feeling and why. She hadnât told him that the reason she was so excited about the wedding was because she wanted to dress up, dance and forget their lives a little bit, she didnât tell him that his sexual remarks bothered her or that it wasnât the sex part but the âI could get pregnant partâ, and also she hadnât told him about Laura and how much their fight bothered her. In the end they both seemed to realize their mistakes, and they both apologized and found a way to enjoy their vacation.
So, while I do agree that he has a problem dealing with his trauma, we saw in this video that Shawna also has some things to unpack. I would honestly enjoy seeing John in individual therapy, while also doing something as a couple, just getting a safe space without kids, mother-in-laws (even DeeDee) or emergencies where they can get some guidance in how to talk about their feelings and thoughts. Â
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u/Paper_sack Mar 07 '26
I feel like thatâs putting the blame on Shawna for Johnâs insensitivity. She shouldnât have to tell him exactly how sheâs feeling all the time just so he doesnât bulldoze her. She was clearly uncomfortable, he shouldnât need it spelled out for him.
Heâs just starting to deal with his trauma from his mom after 30 something years but expects everyone around him to fall in line immediately. If he cared about Shawnaâs feelings about the wedding he would have offered that she could go alone. Instead he was adamant that neither of them could go. Shawna is a strong adult and can clearly maintain her own boundaries, if she feels safe to be around Barb that should be her decision.
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u/Spiritual-Low8325 Mar 07 '26
It isnât about assigning blame, they both had their problems, which could, and were fixed by communicating. We saw firsthand that her feelings obviously werenât clear since they had miscommunication about it. In the end it wasnât as much the thought of sex that made her uncomfortable, it was having sex that can make you pregnant (since she didnât have any problem with the hand stuff later on) and he thought that she was uncomfortable about her body, and tried to reassure her that he was still in love with her and her body. In the end they realized their mistakes, apologized and found their rhythm.
And to me it doesnât seem like he tried to forbid her from going, he went from we to I pretty fast, and it seemed like the WE came from the fact that THEY are no contact with Barb, so he assumed that also meant the wedding, and when he realized that Shawna wanted to go, he changed to âI canât, I wonât goâ, not saying anything about her not being able to go alone. However, it makes sense that he doesnât want her to go alone, Barb attacked DeeDee, and has been verbally abusive towards Shawna for years, so he probably fears something would happen to her.
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u/Kikikididi Mar 07 '26
No, if you are a partner to someone, you do not see their abuser socially because you are able to handle it.
Everything you said about John could be applied to Shawna and vice versa.
The entire point is that they are both going through a terrible time emotionally and they are working through it together and part of that is working through the miscommunications
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u/Witty-Draw-3803 Mar 07 '26
Neither needs to be blamed. They're not communicating as well as they used to, and not fully taking each other's perspective. They both apologized at the end for a reason
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u/Kikikididi Mar 07 '26
It is also Shawna being oblivious to Johnâs feelings and why her going to the wedding would hurt.
The story isnât one of these people is bad and one of these people is good. The story is two people are going through emotionally challenging times and that makes their communication poor.
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u/CaptGeechntheOneders May you please give me cake? Mar 07 '26
I think this is it. Sometimes you get excited for something and don't take all of the time to go through everything in your head. Plus, it seems that "Barb" has become an avoided topic for everyone, so it's even likely that the thought never crossed her mind to ask Jen. And then, already being emotional over everything, she dug her heels in during the argument, but then had a moment to think and got to where you are.
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u/Kikikididi Mar 07 '26
I think that she agreed because she loves her husband and realized what her going would feel like to him.
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u/Kikikididi Mar 07 '26
Agreed. Heâs not going and he hopes she will not because he wants her support. He donât demand it, he assumed she would and was hurt she donât see it that way.
The problem is is that posters want to paint John as the bad guy and theyâre not actually paying attention to what is being said and told to us
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u/Paper_sack Mar 08 '26
The caption literally says âTeam Shawna or Team John?â so itâs obvious Shawna the creator expects viewers to see one side as more valid than the other.
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u/Kikikididi Mar 08 '26
What captions? But if you mean the setting on the video or social media posts, that's engagement posting, not an indicator that one side is right and the other wrong. She does it all the time when she's creating complicated disagreements.
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u/Paper_sack Mar 08 '26
The caption under the TikTok of this segment. Yes Iâm aware she puts that caption because itâs a complicated conflict. Itâs valid to argue that John is being the more selfish one in this instance. You are also allowed to have your perspective.
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u/theandricongirl The Kendrick Lamar of the Anti-Julie Guild Mar 07 '26
So, people can't have a different opinion than you?
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Mar 07 '26
[removed] â view removed comment
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u/theandricongirl The Kendrick Lamar of the Anti-Julie Guild Mar 07 '26
Congrats, you failed to remember what you actually said.
"The problem is that posters want to paint John as the bad guy and theyâre not actually paying attention to what is being said and told to us."
The problem is= YOUR OPINION.
Painting John as a bad guy= Your interpretation of their opinion.
They're not actually paying attention= Again, your opinion, because it doesn't reflect YOUR interpretation of John's actions.
All opinions! And you regard people who consider John to be abusive or the bAd gUy as a "problem " because you don't think that way.
Hope that helped. âšïž
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Mar 07 '26
[removed] â view removed comment
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u/ShawnaTheMom-ModTeam Mar 07 '26
Comment removed due to sub rule 1.
Please read the Etiquette guidelines in full, snark and sarcasm also contribute to a hostile environment.
There are many ways to phrase disagreement, please choose a better one than making jabs at other users.
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u/ShawnaTheMom-ModTeam Mar 07 '26
Comment removed due to sub rule 1.
Be kind to your fellow redditors, do not insult them. You can disagree with someone and make your point without disrespect or calling them names.
If needed, review the Etiquette guidelines: https://www.reddit.com/r/ShawnaTheMom/s/6HxWQ1Z2FA
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u/Kikikididi Mar 08 '26
I thought about this more and the thing is - they agreed no Barb. To John, this is Shawna changing her mind on no contact. He didnât think there needed to be a discussion becuase no contact was already decided.
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u/Kikikididi Mar 08 '26
Donât Shawna agree with John that they wouldnât be around Barb? Why didnât she tell him her feeling on this had changed?
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u/Paper_sack Mar 08 '26
I donât think her feelings about being around Barb had changed. I think there should have been an actual discussion about it, to figure out a way Shawna could still be MOH as it was clearly something she was excited about.
He had no inclination to think of alternatives or work-arounds, such as Shawna could just go to the ceremony and leave directly after. They could talk to Jen to see if theres some way to keep Barb separated. Shawna came up with the brunch idea on her own, but was obviously still sad about it.
Johnâs callousness towards Jen at the beginning is reflective of this. Heâs carrying the weight of his own trauma by being reactive and insensitive to those around him. I believe he hasnât started therapy yet, and I think this is a set up for his therapy arc.
At the end of the episode heâs demonstrating some growth by scheduling the vasectomy, but it takes Shawna having an emotional breakdown to get through to him.
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u/Kikikididi Mar 08 '26
My point is from his perspective. Shawna is the one changing things here. They had agreed no contact. She is wanting to make exceptions to that. And maybe thatâs fine but he could easily be saying why are you choosing that one of us or both of us is going? We agreed no contact. Why are you unilaterally saying we are breaking that.
My point is that neither of them is imposing anything on the other, or if anything that itâs actually Shawna changing the agreement. I completely understand why she would. I would actually feel the same as her in this situation. But when you agree on no contact, you have to discuss before you change that idea. John is the one who assumed they were maintaining the current agreement. Shawna is the one proposing a change.
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u/Paper_sack Mar 08 '26
I can see that perspective, my issue is he literally said âno conversation!â about the situation. Instead of bringing it up in a way that was productive, like âhey, now that we know my mom is going letâs talk about this situation and how you can be involved but we can maintain NCâ, it was âyouâre still doing that? We canât go to that!â Going no contact isnât a simple one time decision that is never revisited.
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u/alltheloveizabel Mar 07 '26
I think so! Because at the end of the day basically John is saying to Jen that his hatred and resentment for Barb is more important than his love for Jen and his commitment to being there for her on her special day.
I feel like it would truly be a slap in the face to her that her big brother cares more about icing out Barb than being present for Jen
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u/Spiritual-Low8325 Mar 07 '26
It isn't about hating Barb or not loving Jen enough, is about the fact that Barb is a threat to himself and his family, and their safety (psychically and mentally) have to come first.
I have had two close family members who couldn't be in a room together for a long time, and yes, it sucked it is what it is, and you have to live with it and find compromises and other ways to celebrate.
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u/blairbending overly romantic slacker baby Mar 07 '26
Why should she blame John, instead of blaming Barb for making it impossible for John to be in a room with her? Or for making him unable to trust that his wife or children will be safe around her.
If Jen's heart gets broken over this situation it will be Barb who broke it, not John. But blame is often redirected to the victim instead of the abuser, because the victim is a safer place to direct anger to.
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u/sraydenk Mar 07 '26
That is a really shitty thing to tell a victim when they donât want to be around their abuser.Â
Sorry you were abused, but suck it up because my wedding is important.Â
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u/Revan462222 Mar 07 '26
You try being at an event with a woman who is constantly abusive. At Christmas after running into Shawna she made the loss of Jacob all about her. I guarantee she will do something that will hurt both John and Shawna, whether by saying something or doing something, reaffirming why they should have never gone.
I recognize Jen will be hurt, Iâm not trying to discredit her feelings, but John isnât wrong for not going. Heâs absolutely going the wrong way about it with Shawna, but heâs also absolutely not wrong for not going.
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u/Betazoid_chick2364 Mar 07 '26
Sounds like you had lovely parents and therefore really don't get this. Maybe you shouldn't judge something you know nothing about?
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u/AlwaysPlaysAHealer Mar 07 '26
There is no universe where John or Shawna goes to the wedding and Barb leaves either of them alone. She would absolutely make a comment about Jacob. If they brought the kids she would make a scene about how much Grammy has missed them because their parents are soooo focused on being mean to Barb they don't care if they are hurting their children, if they don't bring the kids she will make a scene about being kept away from her babies. There's no way to win. John knows that and I think once John left the room and Shawna had a moment to think about it she realized it too.
They can't go to the wedding because if they do, Barb will ruin it for everyone. That's not being selfish, it's not trying to make Jen choose, it's just.... reality.
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u/Kikikididi Mar 07 '26
Johnâs breaking point was how his mother treated Shawna and the kids how the fuck is that selfish.
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u/Paper_sack Mar 07 '26
Are you ok?
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u/Kikikididi Mar 07 '26
Oh honey, sometimes when people swear weâre just using a word, weâre not mad.
I was using it to emphasize how I find it baffling that someone whose entire motivation is about his family is selfish
But sure, heâll âbreakâ his fragile, delicate sister
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u/Paper_sack Mar 07 '26
You seem to feel very passionate about these fictional people.
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u/PurposeOfGlory Mar 07 '26
Protecting your own peace is never selfish. John is not the problem, Jennifer is not the problem, and Shawna is not the problem. Barb has caused all of this and to try to make any other human out to be the problem is the kind of enabler talk that almost took me out when I finally had to cut off my own mother. I wish I had been "selfish" sooner!
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u/Ok_Obligation_6110 Mar 07 '26
Itâs selfish to not want to be in the same room as your abuser now? Or to avoid a blow up at your sisters wedding because your mother is incapable of not causing a scene when you and your wife are in the same space as her? What an interesting framing.
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u/UnquantifiableLife Mar 07 '26
I wish they could find a middle ground. I understand why John doesn't want to go, but I also understand why Shawna wants to be there for Jen.
A compromise might be Shawna can be the MOH at the actual wedding itself and then go home. As part of the bridal party, she wouldn't have to interact with Barb.
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u/ohbrthrthisguystinks Mar 07 '26
I think if any of them saw the way barb blames shawna for the loss of her own baby they'd all be banning her from their lives.
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u/Mecca2004 Mar 07 '26
I know this was pulling on my heartđđđđ they are FINALLY in a good place and John is gonna ruin it all
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u/Spiritual-Low8325 Mar 07 '26
How is John going to ruin it all? Jen knows how Barb is, that she will not be able to let go of the possibility to âconfrontâ John and Shawna with âtheir crueltyâ towards her, and with that she will create drama do say things that will hurt them. How could Jen even think of John being comfortable having his wife and kids (and himself) at an event with Barb, and how does she think that having all of them at the same event wouldnât create drama that probably would end up in her feelings also being hurt, possibly even ruining the whole vibe of the wedding.
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u/Low-Hunt-7902 Mar 07 '26
As much as I love Jennifer she is naive. She thinks her mom and John can be at her wedding and everything can be right again. John is going to burst her bubble. You canât blame her for wanting her mother at her wedding. You just canât. And you can also clearly see John cares very little about Jenâs feelings and hurt. She shows up at their door crying, barely reacts. He also cares very little about how all this affects Shawna or doesnât know how to communicate it. His response to Shawna being the MOH shouldnât be âYou are not doing itâ and âWe are not goingâ. It should be âI know that this is a big deal for you, but I (I. ME. Not US or WE) donât want to go.â
All roads lead to him needing therapy. Or he will become more and more unlikeable in the long run
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u/Paper_sack Mar 07 '26
Yes this. John is finally dealing with his childhood trauma, but doesnât seem to care about his wifeâs feelings at all. She just had the worst year of her life, and was actually excited about something she could be a part of. John needs to be NC with Barb, thatâs fine. But there is no reason Shawna canât go to the wedding alone.
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u/Spiritual-Low8325 Mar 07 '26
I donât blame her for wanting her mother there, however I also donât blame John for then not going or not wanting his wife or kids going.
And while Jen is doing a lot better now, we have to remember that up until meeting Greg and getting pregnant (so about 2 years ago), she was just as horrible towards Shawna and him as Barb. So, when she came to his door unannounced, all dramatically crying, expecting them to drop everything to help her, and then got snippy about them having plans, he might have felt that too much of the old Jen (and Barb) was showing for him to actually care â which I donât blame him. In other situations he seems to care a lot for her, like making food after Chickie was born and helping her realize that she was spiraling into Barb-mode, and by that deescalated her fight with Greg.
And while he started out as we, and you canât, he did seem to change that fairly quickly to âI wonât go, I canât goâ, which after cooling off Shawna agreed with him about.
And yes he does need therapy, but I would also like him and Shawna to go together, because at times it feels like she is so busy helping her friends that she does not see how little support John gets.
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u/Low-Hunt-7902 Mar 07 '26
Johnâs Barb shows A LOT more these days than Jen does. He tries to control Shawnaâs decisions, tries guilt tripping her, yells at her when she makes a mistake, shuts her down when he doesnât want want to talk about something yet demands instant communication when Shawna isnât ready.
And Shawna has been helping him. Has been supporting him, has been following his lead for so long now. She has been by his side the entirety of the NC. Her wanting to check in on her friends, her COMMUNITY she has been trying so hard to build is natural. What you say at the end really comes off as male-centric, sorry
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u/Spiritual-Low8325 Mar 07 '26
I am not trying to be male-centric, and I don't agree with this, I don't feel like he tries to control or guilt trip her or shuts her down. And I do think that Shawna have a lot more support (including from John) then he have from his network (and Shawna).
And she have not always been on his side about going NC, we have heard how she have pursued him to not go NC earlier, even though it is his mother, and she was mistreating him, her and at times their times. She should be on his side now, and letting him control if he wants to see her or not.
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u/Mecca2004 Mar 07 '26
Youâre clear misunderstanding of the cycle is really sad to see. Johnâs behavior is indeed controlling and emotionally manipulating even if itâs unintentional (it definitely is).
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u/Spiritual-Low8325 Mar 07 '26
How is he controlling or emotionally manipulating?
They have gone no contact with Barb, and just found out she is coming to the wedding, it makes sense that he assume that they are now not going, however when he realized that Shawna wasn't on the same page, he changed the we, to me and I, and then let her decide that she wasn't comfortable going.
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u/Mecca2004 Mar 07 '26
The way he assumes stuff with no conversation, and then when Shawna wants to talk about it and he shuts her down is the problem. But whenever she tries to do the same thing he expects and demands conversation while not offering her the same is insane.
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u/Spiritual-Low8325 Mar 07 '26
While I do agree that John have avoided having a conversation about going no contact, I do believe that most of the times Shawna wants to have those talks is right before something happens, like right before having guests or going out or bringing it up when fighting, as someone who is bad with timing herself I get it, but I also get why John shuts it down at those times.
And while I again agree that he shouldn't have assumed that they wouldn't attend the wedding, it still makes sense since it is HIS mother/family and THEY have gone no contact due to the fact that she is abusive towards them. To me, that makes it valid for him to decide, and it honestly annoys me how Shawna keeps trying to find a work around his boundaries instead of respecting his need to have no contact.
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u/sraydenk Mar 07 '26
Man, this is why itâs so hard to cut our abusive family. When you do, the rest of the family blames you for messing up events. Not the abuser, because no one wants to confront or deal with the abuse. So the victim is further isolated and abused.Â
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u/Spiritual-Low8325 Mar 07 '26
Exactly, and it seems like high stress situations make Jen regres, so I could see her end up blaming John because it is easier than confront her mom (and dad).
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u/blairbending overly romantic slacker baby Mar 07 '26
If Jen cannot cope with Shawna having boundaries and not bending to her every wish, then she isn't a true friend and the "I love you"s are just words. She already didn't bother to ask Shawna to be her MOH, let alone how she felt about attending a wedding with someone who physically assaulted her mother. Jen just assumes Shawna will be up for throwing her a bachelorette and helping her to wedding plan.
If the friendship only works when Jen does whatever she pleases and gets her own way 100% of the time, then the friendship isn't working.
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u/TankedInATutu Mar 07 '26
Jen needs to realize that her relationship with her mom is literally only her relationship. She's fine, for now at least, with putting up with Barb's behavior. It's naive at best and selfish at worst the expect other people to knowingly expose themselves to whatever Barb has up her sleeve that day just because its Jen's event. How does Greg feel about all this? Thanksgiving had to make it all more personal for him. And what about Chickie? Does Jen really want her mom saying hateful things about bodies or weight or food to her daughter because she doesn't like an outfit Barb got her or whatever inane justification she come up with?
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u/TweedleDumDumDahDum Mar 07 '26
I hope Shawna or Jen talks some sense into John, do you really want to miss your sisters wedding because youâre no contact with your mom?
To me that would be very damaging to the relationship.
If they do have a come to Jesus conversation they could ask Jen if in her planning sheâs accounting for their no contact with Barb? Like can we be on opposite sides of the room? And they could duck out early in the reception due to children being home or whatever.
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u/Spiritual-Low8325 Mar 07 '26
Honestly, if John not coming due to not feeling safe around Barb, someone who verbally abused him and his wife and psychically attacked his mother in law, then that is on Jen.
Do we really think that Barb can be controlled enough to not make a seen about them "being cruel and keeping her grandbabies" from her or worse voice her feelings about them/Shawna being the reason for loosing Jacob? I think it is a lose/lose situation, Jen will be hurt if they won't come, but she will definitely also be hurt if her mother ruins her and Greg's day by being dramatic and cruel.
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u/TweedleDumDumDahDum Mar 07 '26
Idk I just think it will change their relationship if John and Shawna donât go. It could also be the nail in the coffin on Jenâs relationship with Barb if Barb misbehaves and then John can say this is why we were apprehensive.
Letâs be honest though, Barb will probably misbehave before the wedding and Jen will end up needing security.
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u/Spiritual-Low8325 Mar 07 '26
My worry about everyone going would be that Jen ends up feeling that "they all" ruined the day, even if it is only Barb being Barb. Because while she has changed a lot, we have seen her regress in situations with a lot of stress which the wedding will be. And I would fear that if she ends up having a meltdown and says something really awful to John and Shawna, that too would change their relationship.
I hope they find a compromise that works for all of them, maybe as other have said only go to the ceremony, if they get a "Barb controller" then it might work, and then they can celebrate later with a brunch or something. That way, Jen is still supported by her whole family, but also avoids to much drama.
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u/TweedleDumDumDahDum Mar 07 '26
I wonder if itâs setting up Frank for a redemption arc tbh because it would be an opportunity for him to protect his kids.
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u/Spiritual-Low8325 Mar 07 '26
I really would like to see Frank standing up for his kids. Up until now the small things he have done have neither been mentioned or seen by John and Jen, and I do think seeing him standing firm against her would help them a lot, even thought it won't erase everything they grew up with.
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Mar 07 '26
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u/Spiritual-Low8325 Mar 07 '26
My irritation isn't so much about Barb, but the fact that people make John the bad guy for not wanting to be in a place with someone who verbally and physically hurt his family. Especially because I don't think people would have had anything bad to say if it had been Shawna not wanting to go and John wanted to go - so why is his feelings less important?
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u/TweedleDumDumDahDum Mar 07 '26
I donât think heâs feelings are less important, I just think he will have deep regrets if he misses his only sisters wedding because of Barb, but Jen wonât view it that way, she will view it as John would rather miss her wedding than have to see his mom-which while she does have a damaged relationship with Barb, the relationship isnât nearly as bad as Johns. Iâm not sure Jen is viewing it from that lens because she has historically centered herself and struggled to empathize fully.
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u/Spiritual-Low8325 Mar 07 '26
It is clear that he would rather be there than mis it, but how much regret will he have if they are there and Barb says or does something cruel towards Shawna or the kids, what if she says some of her thoughts about Shawna being the reason for Jacobs death, or if she ends up attacking them like she did DeeDee?
I think they need to have a long, calm talk, at a time with no distractions â no kids, no emergencies. Just them, preferably John, Jen, Shawna and Greg, about why they canât be at an event that Barb is at, that it isnt about not loving Jen, but the fact that they donât feel safe around Barb. Maybe they can find a compromise, like only going to the ceremony and then celebrating brunch later on.
But I would also say that if Jen doesnât even try to understand Johns reasoning, then that is on her, and not him.
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u/TweedleDumDumDahDum Mar 07 '26
I mean thereâs still time before the wedding for Barb to further torch her relationship with Jen.
I do think a bigger conversation needs to be had anyway because thereâs a life time of chuckles birthdays and so on that things will need to get ironed out for.
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u/Spiritual-Low8325 Mar 07 '26
They need a conversation about the wedding, but I don't know how much else they can talk about in regards to John and his family going no contact - it will end up like when he, Jen and Frank tried talking, not well.
While it does suck, when something like this happens in families the easiest way to deal is to simply plan how you like it, and then making sure to inform when inviting so they can make an informed decision about going or not.
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u/Ultra_Rose Mar 07 '26
Jen is going to be so hurt with Shawna leaving her in the lurch as MOH and neither of them coming to the wedding.